06-02-2025, 10:16 PM
talking about my lifestyle in the last almost 10 years. holy shit. it's not even depression or self-pity at this point.
pointless consumption (the internet, food, alcohol, television) and absolute inertia completely took me over.
made some minimal improvements in the last week (way less eating and drinking - really fucking impressive), but realized it's been a never-ending loop/pattern for years now, because it's a matter of day when i'll regress to my old self.
is there anything that actually works as a solution to this problem of, i guess, dysthimia? i don't think so. pills are trash and poison, alcohol is poison, re-watching good will hunting is pointless because i know all the dialogues, listening to britney doesn't work anymore.
if i haven't changed earlier, i don't see how i can pull it off now, when I'm old and my T levels would be going down even if I wasn't an "obese turkish cockroach", as towncel adequately described me.
in 6 months from now, on thursday, I could be looking forward to the weekend, knowing I'll spend it with friends and/or a girlfriend outside, enjoying fresh air and flexing my A-lister appearance, getting dopamine spikes from validation of strangers every 12 seconds.
instead, as my previous experience is telling me, I'll still be obese, walk around in ripped clothes and shit-stained underwear, unwashed and bloated (as a fucking lawyer, not a rotter who only leaves the house to buy something), spend half the day barking at someone here while waiting for my new severeretardmax account to get approved, and the other half of the day ranting about how low iq severeretardmax users are for unironically using describing themselves as "low to mid HTN", all while stuffing myself with food and finishing the second bottle of (white) wine before 6 PM.
what a tragic hero i am.
pointless consumption (the internet, food, alcohol, television) and absolute inertia completely took me over.
made some minimal improvements in the last week (way less eating and drinking - really fucking impressive), but realized it's been a never-ending loop/pattern for years now, because it's a matter of day when i'll regress to my old self.
is there anything that actually works as a solution to this problem of, i guess, dysthimia? i don't think so. pills are trash and poison, alcohol is poison, re-watching good will hunting is pointless because i know all the dialogues, listening to britney doesn't work anymore.
if i haven't changed earlier, i don't see how i can pull it off now, when I'm old and my T levels would be going down even if I wasn't an "obese turkish cockroach", as towncel adequately described me.
in 6 months from now, on thursday, I could be looking forward to the weekend, knowing I'll spend it with friends and/or a girlfriend outside, enjoying fresh air and flexing my A-lister appearance, getting dopamine spikes from validation of strangers every 12 seconds.
instead, as my previous experience is telling me, I'll still be obese, walk around in ripped clothes and shit-stained underwear, unwashed and bloated (as a fucking lawyer, not a rotter who only leaves the house to buy something), spend half the day barking at someone here while waiting for my new severeretardmax account to get approved, and the other half of the day ranting about how low iq severeretardmax users are for unironically using describing themselves as "low to mid HTN", all while stuffing myself with food and finishing the second bottle of (white) wine before 6 PM.
what a tragic hero i am.
![[Image: Screenshot-2026-06-20-at-23-46-52-Lookis...-Lists.png]](https://i.ibb.co/8nqCLH50/Screenshot-2026-06-20-at-23-46-52-Lookism-Edit-Buddy-and-Ignore-Lists.png)
