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+--- Thread: i feel like i betrayed myself (/showthread.php?tid=31256)
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i feel like i betrayed myself - Altruist - 06-02-2025
talking about my lifestyle in the last almost 10 years. holy shit. it's not even depression or self-pity at this point.
pointless consumption (the internet, food, alcohol, television) and absolute inertia completely took me over.
made some minimal improvements in the last week (way less eating and drinking - really fucking impressive), but realized it's been a never-ending loop/pattern for years now, because it's a matter of day when i'll regress to my old self.
is there anything that actually works as a solution to this problem of, i guess, dysthimia? i don't think so. pills are trash and poison, alcohol is poison, re-watching good will hunting is pointless because i know all the dialogues, listening to britney doesn't work anymore.
if i haven't changed earlier, i don't see how i can pull it off now, when I'm old and my T levels would be going down even if I wasn't an "obese turkish cockroach", as towncel adequately described me.
in 6 months from now, on thursday, I could be looking forward to the weekend, knowing I'll spend it with friends and/or a girlfriend outside, enjoying fresh air and flexing my A-lister appearance, getting dopamine spikes from validation of strangers every 12 seconds.
instead, as my previous experience is telling me, I'll still be obese, walk around in ripped clothes and shit-stained underwear, unwashed and bloated (as a fucking lawyer, not a rotter who only leaves the house to buy something), spend half the day barking at someone here while waiting for my new severeretardmax account to get approved, and the other half of the day ranting about how low iq severeretardmax users are for unironically using describing themselves as "low to mid HTN", all while stuffing myself with food and finishing the second bottle of (white) wine before 6 PM.
what a tragic hero i am.
RE: i feel like i betrayed myself - n9wiff - 06-02-2025
(06-02-2025, 10:16 PM)Altruist Wrote: in 6 months from now, on thursday, I could be looking forward to the weekend, knowing I'll spend it with friends and/or a girlfriend outside, enjoying fresh air and flexing my A-lister appearance, getting dopamine spikes from validation of strangers every 12 seconds.
I tryhard = none of these
obese self-destructive alcoholic and drug addict = effortless social and money mog
This thread seriously pisses me off
RE: i feel like i betrayed myself - Altruist - 06-02-2025
(06-02-2025, 10:38 PM)n9wiff Wrote: I tryhard = none of these
obese self-destructive alcoholic and drug addict = effortless social and money mog
This thread seriously pisses me off
don't compare yourself to others, but to yourself theory. unironically the healthiest way to live and a guarantee of mental stability
RE: i feel like i betrayed myself - n9wiff - 06-02-2025
(06-02-2025, 11:14 PM)Altruist Wrote: don't compare yourself to others, but to yourself theory. unironically the healthiest way to live and a guarantee of mental stability
Like most generic self-improovement advice, it's so much easier said than done
RE: i feel like i betrayed myself - prince of shitskins - 06-02-2025
The drinking/being fat can easily be addressed tbh. I wouldn't beat yourself up over it, you haven't done any permeant damage.
I honestly cringe at people who constantly have to be busy 24/7 by filling up the day with nonsense bs. My dad is a perfect example of this with his compulsive renovating, but the alternative is staring at a monitor getting shitfaced and hating yourself
Seriously get a hobby or something. Could be literally fucking anything. Even something utterly mundane that you derive minimal enjoyment from. Sometimes I just sit in the pool and bask in the sun, or go to the gym and just use the massage chairs because I cbf working out. anything is better than drinking
RE: i feel like i betrayed myself - MysteriousWeeb420 - 06-02-2025
you are a bot programmed to fail for our amusement
RE: i feel like i betrayed myself - Altruist - 06-02-2025
(06-02-2025, 11:40 PM)prince of shitskins Wrote: The drinking/being fat can easily be addressed tbh. I wouldn't beat yourself up over it, you haven't done any permeant damage.
the fact remains that i've wasted years 22-32 of my life for absolutely nothing
Quote:I honestly cringe at people who constantly have to be busy 24/7 by filling up the day with nonsense bs. My dad is a perfect example of this with his compulsive renovating, but the alternative is staring at a monitor getting shitfaced and hating yourself
agree, and i don't intend (and, to be honest, i could never pull it off) to become one of those people. still, what i've been doing is just as pathetic
Quote:Seriously get a hobby or something. Could be literally fucking anything. Even something utterly mundane that you derive minimal enjoyment from. Sometimes I just sit in the pool and bask in the sun, or go to the gym and just use the massage chairs because I cbf working out. anything is better than drinking
i do have a hobby, it's just that it's developing my own system of legal notation and the legal theory in general, lmao. if someone opened my password-protected 4 gb of docoments or found dozens of notebooks filled with what looks like random scrabbling of dots, lines and symbols, they'd think i'm batshit insane
RE: i feel like i betrayed myself - Altruist - 06-02-2025
(06-02-2025, 11:45 PM)MysteriousWeeb420 Wrote: you are a bot programmed to fail for our amusement
RE: i feel like i betrayed myself - prince of shitskins - 07-02-2025
(06-02-2025, 11:46 PM)Altruist Wrote: the fact remains that i've wasted years 22-32 of my life for absolutely nothing
agree, and i don't intend (and, to be honest, i could never pull it off) to become one of those people. still, what i've been doing is just as pathetic
i do have a hobby, it's just that it's developing my own system of legal notation and the legal theory in general, lmao. if someone opened my password-protected 4 gb of docoments or found dozens of notebooks filled with what looks like random scrabbling of dots, lines and symbols, they'd think i'm batshit insane
Zagreb is pretty close to the sea right? Get a car and a boat/trailer to tow it with. Getting drunk on a boat is extremely therapeutic. I plan on getting a tiny dighny with a 15hp outboard, but I'm just projecting things I personally enjoy. Idk. No point hating yourself for wasted time. Could be 1000× worse
RE: i feel like i betrayed myself - Altruist - 07-02-2025
(07-02-2025, 12:14 AM)prince of shitskins Wrote: Zagreb is pretty close to the sea right? Get a car and a boat/trailer to tow it with. Getting drunk on a boat is extremely therapeutic. I plan on getting a tiny dighny with a 15hp outboard, but I'm just projecting things I personally enjoy. Idk. No point hating yourself for wasted time. Could be 1000× worse
sure, life can always get worse in an instant, but i'm talking about wasted life, not just time
having your life hijacked by modern tech feels so alienating and surreal
just taking a walk on a warm spring day is a religious experience compared to fucking opening alerts on internet fucking forums, or watching a shit yt video for the 50th time. i havent been feeling alive for years now, and the tragedy is that i have completely opposite experiences from my earlier years, which makes me realize how tragic my current situation is
there were days when i didn't need 800 mg of jewpills, 2.5 l of alcoholic beverages, youtube, age of empires, tranny porn, thepiratebay, 3 forums, 7 sandwiches and 8 hours free for rotting COMBINED just to feel ANYTHING
RE: i feel like i betrayed myself - MVP - 07-02-2025
dnrd
RE: i feel like i betrayed myself - prince of shitskins - 07-02-2025
(07-02-2025, 12:24 AM)Altruist Wrote: sure, life can always get worse in an instant, but i'm talking about wasted life, not just time
having your life hijacked by modern tech feels so alienating and surreal
just taking a walk on a warm spring day is a religious experience compared to fucking opening alerts on internet fucking forums, or watching a shit yt video for the 50th time. i havent been feeling alive for years now, and the tragedy is that i have completely opposite experiences from my earlier years, which makes me realize how tragic my current situation is
there were days when i didn't need 800 mg of jewpills, 2.5 l of alcoholic beverages, youtube, age of empires, tranny porn, thepiratebay, 3 forums, 7 sandwiches and 8 hours free for rotting COMBINED just to feel ANYTHING
Its literally chasing the dragon
Some of my fondest memories are just getting high and playing black ops 3 on Xbox. When I was like 20/21. If I did that now I wouldn't feel shit, but I'm still doing it while trying to convince myself I'm having fun
Only solution Is to detox from all internet bs and drugs/alcohol/junk food. How to go about achieving that/what to replace it with is the challenge, but you know, and knowing is half the battle
RE: i feel like i betrayed myself - Altruist - 07-02-2025
(07-02-2025, 12:58 AM)prince of shitskins Wrote: Its literally chasing the dragon
Some of my fondest memories are just getting high and playing black ops 3 on Xbox. When I was like 20/21. If I did that now I wouldn't feel shit, but I'm still doing it while trying to convince myself I'm having fun
Only solution Is to detox from all internet bs and drugs/alcohol/junk food. How to go about achieving that/what to replace it with is the challenge, but you know, and knowing is half the battle
legit. good post
RE: i feel like i betrayed myself - lol - 07-02-2025
symptom of modern society. you're not alone. cope with loneliness statistics and the countless 'im 36 year olds: I have NO friends" videos.
this clip reminds me of you messiah
RE: i feel like i betrayed myself - lol - 07-02-2025
I was scrolling on YouTube live the other day and realized just how pitiful most people's existence are
one obese black woman with pica chewing on mouthfuls after mouthfuls of cornstarch, another telling tales for hours on end with their oracle cards, another talking about politics with 1 viewer, the rest just rotting on video games, sports.
always makes me feel better about myself