18-04-2022, 08:28 PM
By "normal" I mean that I have a desire for normalcy/desiring to adhere to social-norms.
In 2019, I discovered lookism and also began to develop my social life (finding lookism isn't related to increasing social life, but lookism did enhance the desire to improve my external appearances). By 2020, I was meeting with friends every week, drinking, had bought normal clothes, had a normal haircut, and my general attitude to life was much more materialistic and conventional (although still relatively very non-NT in my private moments).
Compare this to pre-2019 when I kept my head shaved, wore autistic clothes, and was under the influence of extreme political ideology.
However, the continual lockdowns of 2020/2021 had perhaps acted to slow my change in character (this was likely unavoidable, regardless of external factors), and the closing of barbers meant that my hair grew longer, and my unconventional interests flourished.
In 2021, I returned to university, where I was disgusted at the unintelligence and dullness of my peers (subjectively speaking), which discouraged my attempts at making any efforts to socialise (the covid-measures of the first year meant that I only knew a couple of people). My unconventional interests continued to grow. In winter of 2021, I went to a nightclub, which was disgusting and allowed me to understand that I placed no value on seeking external validation, especially sexual, which rendered the continuation of the looksmaxing process and feigning normalcy pointless.
A couple of my friends have taken the same path as me, without conferring with each other. By that, I mean being disgusted by hook-up/drinking culture, developing more intellectual interests, interests in spirituality etc. Which is good, because it means I won't be a friendless loner for my decision.
I've attached a graph that shows my approximate BASELINE normalcy over time.
![[Image: Screenshot_2022-04-18_at_18.03.24.png]](https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/727296236767412254/965661642425778276/Screenshot_2022-04-18_at_18.03.24.png)
However, on a weekly/monthly basis, my "desire for normalcy" will dip and rise, so that at it's lowest I will have a desire to sell all my clothes and wear rags, and at its highest I will perhaps fantasise about having a nice car while wearing a nice outfit. It will impact how I display myself on a day to day basis.
But I think my normalcy is continuing to dip even more, and I hope it does. Hopefully I can break out of the indoctrination that I imposed upon myself regarding fashion and behaviour. It would be very liberating.
TL : DR
The long and short of it is that my desire for NT peaked in 2020, but now I care about it less and less. And I embrace that, because it's simply imposing a prison on yourself that forces you to seek external validation. Looksmaxing is pointless for me now.
In 2019, I discovered lookism and also began to develop my social life (finding lookism isn't related to increasing social life, but lookism did enhance the desire to improve my external appearances). By 2020, I was meeting with friends every week, drinking, had bought normal clothes, had a normal haircut, and my general attitude to life was much more materialistic and conventional (although still relatively very non-NT in my private moments).
Compare this to pre-2019 when I kept my head shaved, wore autistic clothes, and was under the influence of extreme political ideology.
However, the continual lockdowns of 2020/2021 had perhaps acted to slow my change in character (this was likely unavoidable, regardless of external factors), and the closing of barbers meant that my hair grew longer, and my unconventional interests flourished.
In 2021, I returned to university, where I was disgusted at the unintelligence and dullness of my peers (subjectively speaking), which discouraged my attempts at making any efforts to socialise (the covid-measures of the first year meant that I only knew a couple of people). My unconventional interests continued to grow. In winter of 2021, I went to a nightclub, which was disgusting and allowed me to understand that I placed no value on seeking external validation, especially sexual, which rendered the continuation of the looksmaxing process and feigning normalcy pointless.
A couple of my friends have taken the same path as me, without conferring with each other. By that, I mean being disgusted by hook-up/drinking culture, developing more intellectual interests, interests in spirituality etc. Which is good, because it means I won't be a friendless loner for my decision.
I've attached a graph that shows my approximate BASELINE normalcy over time.
However, on a weekly/monthly basis, my "desire for normalcy" will dip and rise, so that at it's lowest I will have a desire to sell all my clothes and wear rags, and at its highest I will perhaps fantasise about having a nice car while wearing a nice outfit. It will impact how I display myself on a day to day basis.
But I think my normalcy is continuing to dip even more, and I hope it does. Hopefully I can break out of the indoctrination that I imposed upon myself regarding fashion and behaviour. It would be very liberating.
TL : DR
The long and short of it is that my desire for NT peaked in 2020, but now I care about it less and less. And I embrace that, because it's simply imposing a prison on yourself that forces you to seek external validation. Looksmaxing is pointless for me now.
![[Image: ustalarmeclisi0002026-06-07-15-31-068945...bd7fba.jpg]](https://i.ibb.co/tPYp36sQ/ustalarmeclisi0002026-06-07-15-31-0689453a77-0283-4573-84b3-3790f8bd7fba.jpg)
![[Image: 1651957977132.gif]](https://i.4cdn.org/adv/1651957977132.gif)
