New dead sea scrolls unearthed seem to substantiate hypothesis that the Cabbage Patch

[slop slinger]

New dead sea scrolls unearthed seem to substantiate hypothesis that the Cabbage Patch, located in an unexplored island defended to the death by the xenophobic Menarchicks tribe near Papua Guinea, is in fact the Garden of Eden. Only few have ventured to the island and all ran back before actually entering the Patch. They reported a dark energy. Upon looking at the Patch through the dense jungle that surrounds it, one see what looked like wind but was something more, as if it was a gravitational wave shifting the fabric of reality, wind that carried gravity and magnetism with it. An ineffable horror fell upon anyone coming close. The recently found scrolls gives us a hint of what lies within. Christian theologian, Hemorrhoid researcher, and self proclaimed Sadist Biley Rhenixblatt reports: "When God pulled Eve out of Adam's ribs, something else got pulled out with it: a snickering, sniveling infant with the face of a 15 year old pug beset by severe respiratory issues who could no longer bark appropriately or fit his whole tongue in his mouth, and that gesticulated and spoke similarly to Gollum from LOTR, but with the low cortisol, self assured vocal timbre of a Trevor nonetheless. The child quickly skittered off on its chubby infant legs into the distance with the speed of a gazelle before even God himself could catch him. Apparently, the child watched from behind the bushes, slobbering, snickering, and shitting as all infants do, as the rest of the events took place in the Garden of Eden: Eve's betrayal, her seduction by the serpent, God giving man the sense of shame, and the exile...But the Cabbage Patch Kid, always outside God's reach, the logical gap in the system as it were, remained in the garden and propagated his kind. There exists indeed an evil even more indefinable than Satan, one perhaps Satan protects us from better than God can. The Menarchicks seem to know how to Tend to the Patch. Let us leave that labor to them. They will do it better than we ever can."

[Busty Doll]

I disagree, I think that new dead sea scrolls unearthed seem to substantiate hypothesis that the Cabbage Patch, located in an unexplored island defended to the death by the xenophobic Menarchicks tribe near Papua Guinea, is in fact the Garden of Eden. Only few have ventured to the island and all ran back before actually entering the Patch. They reported a dark energy. Upon looking at the Patch through the dense jungle that surrounds it, one see what looked like wind but was something more, as if it was a gravitational wave shifting the fabric of reality, wind that carried gravity and magnetism with it. An ineffable horror fell upon anyone coming close. The recently found scrolls gives us a hint of what lies within. Christian theologian, Hemorrhoid researcher, and self proclaimed Sadist Biley Rhenixblatt reports: "When God pulled Eve out of Adam's ribs, something else got pulled out with it: a snickering, sniveling infant with the face of a 15 year old pug beset by severe respiratory issues who could no longer bark appropriately or fit his whole tongue in his mouth, and that gesticulated and spoke similarly to Gollum from LOTR, but with the low cortisol, self assured vocal timbre of a Trevor nonetheless. The child quickly skittered off on its chubby infant legs into the distance with the speed of a gazelle before even God himself could catch him. Apparently, the child watched from behind the bushes, slobbering, snickering, and shitting as all infants do, as the rest of the events took place in the Garden of Eden: Eve's betrayal, her seduction by the serpent, God giving man the sense of shame, and the exile...But the Cabbage Patch Kid, always outside God's reach, the logical gap in the system as it were, remained in the garden and propagated his kind. There exists indeed an evil even more indefinable than Satan, one perhaps Satan protects us from better than God can. The Menarchicks seem to know how to Tend to the Patch. Let us leave that labor to them. They will do it better than we ever can."

[n9wiff]

dnr

[Altruist]

Christian theologian, Hemorrhoid researcher, and self proclaimed Sadist