20-02-2024, 03:31 PM
i notice so often when you show men (we're talking mostly aged 18 to 35, usually older guys aren't like this) a picture of them just 3 or 5 years ago and they balk at it, feel embarassed about who they were back then. it's like they killed the person they were 5 months ago the same manner a trans person kills their past self, calling it a deadname
often times they get called out on something/called wrong about something and get all defensive and act like they're still right. but you notice over a short period of time, they actually implement what you called them out on and make it look like they were never doing it/saying the wrong thing to begin with, as if that is the way they were all along.
this usually pertains to those aged 16 to 35 ish. i noticed this with my brother once when I told him he was cooking eggs wrong and that he needed to add some milk to the scrambled egg mix and not cook them so long as to make them less solid and more fluidy. He was like "no im fucking not. they're perfect. i know what the fuck im doing" he continues to do it in his "wrong" way for a few weeks, and then I notice he suddenly starts doing it exactly the way I told him to.
i have an academic colleague who i argued was misinterpreting a theory he's working with, a misinterpretation that potentially called into question a great deal of his project. he gets all defensive about it and says im wrong without providing any convincing rebuttals. All he gave was a rewording of his original argument that didn't respond to my critiques, but said glibly in a manner as if it were. then I notice a month later in a department discussion regarding his recent paper I see his view has entirely shifted to match mine. I then don't confront him overtly about it like "Heh looks like you agree with me now," but, in the interest of psychological curiosity, I ask him a question about his theory in the context of another discussion (in such a way that it doesn't seem like I'm implicitly recalling our previous conversation, so trying to avoid evoking the sentiment in him that im about to be all "i told you so") and he seems to take the opportunity to subtly change his language, very subtly, to show how he was actually not that far from his current position and that his original viewpoint, which in some manner already ((had the seeds of his current [mine] position)) even though I had originally presented it as being diametrically opposed, an opposition he clearly realized was there in this original moment. This way he looks like he arrived at on his own volition even though it was clearly my comment that got the ball rolling. He wanted to simultaneously be correct and deny me the satisfaction of correcting him, even if ultimately I don't care about that satisfaction.
this is probably just a side effect of whats an otherwise good phenomenon, which is the desire to constantly improve yourself and put your old self behind without looking weak, which if you don't do can have bad consequences.
in any case, you could say I've maximalized this strategy, pretending to not take seriously and employ a level of ironic distance with what I said even 5 or 10 minutes ago as a preemptive means of saving face and appearing aboev critique from others. Even when it doesn't pertain to my own identity, even over the most banal and bullshit details. I just have got so addicted to doing it there's no me anymore. It signals a level of deep rooted insecurity and total lack of sense of self. Right?
often times they get called out on something/called wrong about something and get all defensive and act like they're still right. but you notice over a short period of time, they actually implement what you called them out on and make it look like they were never doing it/saying the wrong thing to begin with, as if that is the way they were all along.
this usually pertains to those aged 16 to 35 ish. i noticed this with my brother once when I told him he was cooking eggs wrong and that he needed to add some milk to the scrambled egg mix and not cook them so long as to make them less solid and more fluidy. He was like "no im fucking not. they're perfect. i know what the fuck im doing" he continues to do it in his "wrong" way for a few weeks, and then I notice he suddenly starts doing it exactly the way I told him to.
i have an academic colleague who i argued was misinterpreting a theory he's working with, a misinterpretation that potentially called into question a great deal of his project. he gets all defensive about it and says im wrong without providing any convincing rebuttals. All he gave was a rewording of his original argument that didn't respond to my critiques, but said glibly in a manner as if it were. then I notice a month later in a department discussion regarding his recent paper I see his view has entirely shifted to match mine. I then don't confront him overtly about it like "Heh looks like you agree with me now," but, in the interest of psychological curiosity, I ask him a question about his theory in the context of another discussion (in such a way that it doesn't seem like I'm implicitly recalling our previous conversation, so trying to avoid evoking the sentiment in him that im about to be all "i told you so") and he seems to take the opportunity to subtly change his language, very subtly, to show how he was actually not that far from his current position and that his original viewpoint, which in some manner already ((had the seeds of his current [mine] position)) even though I had originally presented it as being diametrically opposed, an opposition he clearly realized was there in this original moment. This way he looks like he arrived at on his own volition even though it was clearly my comment that got the ball rolling. He wanted to simultaneously be correct and deny me the satisfaction of correcting him, even if ultimately I don't care about that satisfaction.
this is probably just a side effect of whats an otherwise good phenomenon, which is the desire to constantly improve yourself and put your old self behind without looking weak, which if you don't do can have bad consequences.
in any case, you could say I've maximalized this strategy, pretending to not take seriously and employ a level of ironic distance with what I said even 5 or 10 minutes ago as a preemptive means of saving face and appearing aboev critique from others. Even when it doesn't pertain to my own identity, even over the most banal and bullshit details. I just have got so addicted to doing it there's no me anymore. It signals a level of deep rooted insecurity and total lack of sense of self. Right?
![[Image: Screenshot-2026-06-20-at-23-46-52-Lookis...-Lists.png]](https://i.ibb.co/8nqCLH50/Screenshot-2026-06-20-at-23-46-52-Lookism-Edit-Buddy-and-Ignore-Lists.png)
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![[Image: 4251761e1355f6dd9839d8a568d2a5c922747688_hq.gif]](https://pa1.aminoapps.com/6664/4251761e1355f6dd9839d8a568d2a5c922747688_hq.gif)
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