"you dont exist for me anymore"

[Altruist]

now, how to fix this? 

goals: 
1. to 999. - fixing or just partially recovering my relationship with her, to the point where she still thinks i m a retard, but at least talks to me
1000. getting her to let me stay here. for emotional and my personality-driven reasons, not because i ll end up like a hobo otherwise, obviously

methods:
1. non-negotiable: goggins-maxxing, and by that i mean completely; not just fucking stopping drinking, but stopping being a bitch and a leech (you gotta have a special retard in you to be a leech with my looks, status and finances, lmfao); this is something i have to do regardless of this, it's just that this fucking disaster made it 100 x more obvious; moronic alcoholism is just the most plastic manifestation of my rotten incel manchild brain
2. ???

i'll definitely go talk to my aunt and my brother and his wife (an actually smart social scientist and, more importantly, human being, meaning she won't just slap me with normshit, bluerose style 85 iq gaslighting and shaming). 

my aunt is like my mom 2; they are together on a short trip now, so she'll find out about this too, on top of being aware of the problem for months. she is super intelligent, wise and authoritative, and her stance on me is the same as my mom's (which i completely agree is the right one, because there is nothing i could say in my defense; if this was a court case and i represented the guy who is me, i'd just tell him to accept whatever punishment he gets). i thought of visiting her later today when they come back, but that would be too cheap of a move and just make them think, also rightfully so, "this bitch is gonna go back to his old ways the second we forgive him"

i'll probably visit my brother and his wife in 2-3 days, and my aunt a couple of days later. from now on, i'm gonna behave like a fucking blend of goggins, tate, gandhi, sherlock and the opposite of will hunting, of course. that's the smartest thing to do anyway, but this shit ups it to a new level.

[Altruist]

medical help

not ideal considering my career. 

i do think and it's obviously true that people like me are not here to "follow the script", meet all the imaginary thresholds and then call it a perfect career; i'm the type of guy who reshapes the system exactly because, among other reasons, he's not confined within it from the get go; still, most people don't have that finest perceptive layer developed, so this being in my records will look bad, and we are not exactly in a hollywood movie

intervention

thought of this jokingly the other day and wanted to make a humorous thread titled "i just organized an intervention for myself", lmao. will ferrell humor type shit.

[Altruist]

i mean, even if i just moved out, didnt talk to her for a couple of months and contacted her like my mom, but this time with behavioral record that actually backs it up, it's 99% certain she'd be receptive and even eager to make up with me, but at this point that also feels like a gut wrenching nightmare considering my relationship with her before i went full retard and what she's done to make my life easier overall

[Altruist]

By far the worst day and feeling in my life

by fucking far

[Busty Doll]

So, all this time you've been calling others Manchildren, your mom had prepared your meals and processed your laundry and you are 40 years old.

In that name, cheers

[Altruist]

the funny thing is someone who has nothing to do with this is gonna get fucked real bad this week

[Altruist]

So, all this time you've been calling others Manchildren, your mom had prepared your meals and processed your laundry and you are 40 years old.

i've always been transparent about this, tbh. it's just that i was rationalizing it by thinking i'm some kind of a special snowflake and that it's not fucking cringe and alerting in my case.

[Altruist]

if this doesn't end up being the psychological trigger i needed and, in a couple of weeks, i realize i'm behaving the exact same way basic mo-wise, i'll genuinely shift to the "it's over" mentality. a genuine one, not the fake type the resident turktard is displaying.

[Altruist]

at the same time:



"addiction doesn't exist, bro, it's a made up term!" 

i wish i met mrz somewhere so that i can beat him to death. not that it would be more of a challenge than killing a mosquito, considering what i learned about the average physiognomy of pedophiles in my career so far.

[Busty Doll]

if this doesn't end up being the psychological trigger i needed and, in a couple of weeks, i realize i'm behaving the exact same way basic mo-wise, i'll genuinely shift to the "it's over" mentality. a genuine one, not the fake type the resident turktard is displaying.

Will you become stylemaxxed like him, with a Saylor Moon jacket and David Laid physique in the gym

[Altruist]

Will you become stylemaxxed like him, with a Saylor Moon jacket and David Laid physique in the gym

what?

EDIT: oh. jfl. obviously not, hence the distinction. it's about core decision-making principles and patterns for me.

[Altruist]

now that i think of this some more, it's probably the best thing that could have happened to me in this phase of my life

my mom will obviously be able to get over this if i actually show i care; i ve never been rude to her or, god forbid, physically attacked or threatened her, it's just my manchild character and the leech behavior that's the issue

[hitlersblackedwaifu]

saw this coming

my advice: stop drinking

[Altruist]

saw this coming

my advice: stop drinking

was hoping for your reaction to this thread because you are more sentient than the average psl frequenting vermin. slightly, though

what do you think is the wisest strategy/way of getting my mom to talk to me again (meaning recovering our relationship to the point where she at least thinks there is a small chance of me stopping becoming a fucking retard)? obviously, assuming i somehow, magically, reach the state of mind that enables me to decide not to buy alcohol whenever i think i need it?

[B00X]

i mean, even if i just moved out, didnt talk to her for a couple of months and contacted her like my mom, but this time with behavioral record that actually backs it up, it's 99% certain she'd be receptive and even eager to make up with me, but at this point that also feels like a gut wrenching nightmare considering my relationship with her before i went full retard and what she's done to make my life easier overall

probably your best bet.

even if you did make up with her now this scenario is likely going to play out again, sooner or later.