"you dont exist for me anymore"

[Altruist]

"You have 15 days to move out. You'll make your own food and wash your clothes yourself by then. Thank you, son."

[Altruist]

By far the worst day and feeling in my life

[Altruist]

> remembers vodka breath is supposedly harder to smell
> buys it instead of wine
> drinks the same amount of it as wine, forgetting it's 37,5% alc
> comes home completely wasted
> wakes up to the message of the said content, sent yesterday when i came home (i fell asleep instantly and have 0 memory of anything after googling about vodka)

[Altruist]

The fact i started looking for a gif to add to the op says it all, really

[You're dead]

I tried staying with my mom for a week and it was never going to work because of the arbitrary drinking restrictions 

I can admit to myself I'm scum and i care more about alcohol than relationships. A lot of addicts haven't really been tested, tbh. They will judge us while their parents permit them to do whatever they want, but if it came down to it 50% of them would choose drugs and alcohol

[You're dead]

At least you're in a position with your money to not need a safety net

[Altruist]

I tried staying with my mom for a week and it was never going to work because of the arbitrary drinking restrictions 

I can admit to myself I'm scum and i care more about alcohol than relationships. A lot of addicts haven't really been tested, tbh. They will judge us while their parents permit them to do whatever they want, but if it came down to it 50% of them would choose drugs and alcohol

Can we not compare your relationship with your parents to mine with my mom?

[Altruist]

At least you're in a position with your money to not need a safety net

Who gives a shit? that's 0.00001% of the problem. i could buy the entire building if it was on the market. in fact, me moving out alone would be an actually smart move and great news for my future qol

Are you really that emotionally handicapped that you are missing the heartbreaking part here?

[You're dead]

Who gives a shit? that's 0.00001% of the problem. i could buy the entire building if it was on the market. in fact, me moving out alone would be an actually smart move and great news for my future qol

Are you really that emotionally handicapped that you are missing the heartbreaking part here?

I don't get it though she told you like 1000 times not to drink what did you think was going to happen. And yeah I am emotionally handicapped in addition to being mentally handicapped, so maybe that's why I'm struggling to understand what the issue is

[You're dead]

I mean how can you claim you care more about your relationship with your mom than your addiction if you let it get to this point

Doubt you end up moving out anyway tbh

[Altruist]

I don't get it though she told you like 1000 times not to drink what did you think was going to happen.

i guess i'm past the point of acting according to it

what hurts me the most is seeing how heartbroken she is. if she just wanted to get rid of me, the giga iq manchild, she'd have told me to fuck off by tomorrow morning and threaten to call the police if i refuse and get over with it. yet, even now, after the 20th "last warning"  (see my long post to dolly in my other thread for more context, then re-read your post i'm quoting here and you'll realize how far gone i am), she gave me 2 weeks.

i mean she's been hospitalized because of the stress and life threatening blood pressure levels caused by me multiple times in the last couple of months. she is also on a lot of new medication for it, and her health was perfect before i started with my moron shit. she was in better shape than me at 62 than i've ever been. had to stop biking and trainings too because her doc said it's too risky.

[Altruist]

i mean, just observing her behavior on the "micro-level" and comparing it to my contributions to this household makes me legit cry now. 

from her constantly trying to improve the home aesthetically and functionally, buying stuff for me when she realizes i need something but knows i m too much of a lazy loser to get it myself, giving her best in every aspect of life because that's what mentally healthy people do ... to me acting, well the way i'm describing it in my posts here. needless to say, she refuses to take money from me and just live off my assets when she could, deservedly so, spend the rest of her life like fucking lebron james. after a lifetime of struggle and horrible tragedies at that, while the worst thing that's ever happened to me was 2 weeks without internet connection in 2016.

[B00X]

rough. get medical help or intervention and talk to her about being on medication and putting effort into quitting. maybe that can help patch things up. 

the consequence of your mom not talking to you aside, you can only drink so long and so much before your liver and kidney begin giving you problems that will hurt your qol a lot more. whether its through dialysis, transplants and all the other physical and mental health problems that people talk about all the time.

[You're dead]

i guess i'm past the point of acting according to it

what hurts me the most is seeing how heartbroken she is. if she just wanted to get rid of me, the giga iq manchild, she'd have told me to fuck off by tomorrow morning and threaten to call the police if i refuse and get over with it. yet, even now, after the 20th "last warning"  (see my long post to dolly in my other thread for more context, then re-read your post i'm quoting here and you'll realize how far gone i am), she gave me 2 weeks.

i mean she's been hospitalized because of the stress and life threatening blood pressure levels caused by me multiple times in the last couple of months. she is also on a lot of new medication for it, and her health was perfect before i started with my moron shit. she was in better shape than me at 62 than i've ever been. had to stop biking and trainings too because her doc said it's too risky.

sad

yeah i cant relate at all because my parents never gave a shit so i never cared about being a disappointment

you should move out tbh and just lie to her that you're going to start going to aa meetings and try a new medication that curbs the urge to drink. obviously you're not going to do any of that, but at least this way you wont feel guilty

[Altruist]

talk to her about being on medication

this is gonna be super-illustrative of how much of a retard i've been: she knows perfectly well what medication i'm on and, whenever i pick up the new monthly stash, i give it to her so she can give me the prescribed dose daily and control me (i'm in my 30s, btw). why? because, considering our relationship and communication are perfectly fine and healthy otherwise, she suggested it and i agreed, after a couple of times where i almost overdosed. not with shit sleeping pills and benzos, but with some meds my doc and psych wanted to try to minimize qol-reducing effect of my schizoid pd. those don't even give you any pleasurable sensations like hypnotics, benzos, alcohol, legit drugs, and i still took like 20 x the daily dose a couple of times. the last time i did it, it completely wrecked my motor system. my limbs were shaking and moving uncontrollably and i couldn't walk down the stairs without someone holding me (not an exaggeration, exactly this happened; i posted about it here, i think). i broke 10+ glasses and plates after those episodes.

putting effort into quitting

i mean, even i have that much self-esteem to not be able to tell her that with a straight face considering how i actually behave. also check my reply to dolly for more context, if you even want to pretend you give a shit.

completely legit post overall, of course, as usual.