actually genuinely surprised i have only lost half a litre of lung function over the

[prince of shitskins]

past 4-5 years

considering living conditions and the fact that i never could quite make the lung infections go away

i think i have lost my mind completely

but im glad that my mind seems to be going now. its crazy, this amount of brain damage. i mean, i have always been retarded, but this feels like a lobotomy. it's great. hopefully it continues and i can forget everything that's ever happened

i want to erase the past 6 years of my life completely from memory

[prince of shitskins]

there was never a better life in the cards than suffocating like a rat after years of living like one

i'm just really curious as to what the lung infections are. it has never quite become full blown pneumonia (unfortunately for me) it just seems like they're constantly filling with fluid all the time and then i hock out a green glob of mucus and go to bed and wake up just to repeat it

been like this for uhm

way too many years now.

i need a mercy killing. asap. this isn't right. it's bad for me and it's bad for everyone that i'm still alive. if i can stop being a pathetic fucking bitch maybe i can do something about it myself

[n9wiff]

How come it's so hard to treat 

First world healthcare should be good I think

[prince of shitskins]

i mean

lungs are fucked now according to the test, and i cant really delude myself into ignoring empirical reality. idk. im fine suffocating i guess. it just sucks that it has to happen over years, potentially even a fucking decade. like, it's slow torture

idk

i wish i could get these infections treated. i just have no idea what it is. what if its a fungal infection but what if it isn't? taking the antibiotics would just make it worse if it was lungus (lung fungus)

i thought moving back here, my condition might start to improve... idk what i was thinking. i think maybe the damage is from myxotocins? which is a thing apparently that you can get


idk what the fuck i am doing. just been going through the motions it feels like for years not enjoying a single moment of it


i need to be mercy killed

[Altruist]

nobody cares

[prince of shitskins]

How come it's so hard to treat 

First world healthcare should be good I think

uhmm.. my medical records say i'm delusional. don't trust the doctors, bro, trust the homeless guy who smells like rat piss and *swears on his life* that he's right and all the doctors are wrong

yeah. thats how it comes off

uhhh


idk. on some level this outcome feels like it was inevitable



it's just been an absolute pure living hell day in day out



i guess its been good life experience tho. this entire ordeal has made me much more aware of how retarded i am, it's nerve wrecking how acutely aware i am of my retardation now.


fucking hell.

this is aids


hopefully, not for too much longer


i think it was lung fungus



but i have no fucking idea

[prince of shitskins]

nobody cares

+1

[n9wiff]

uhmm.. my medical records say i'm delusional. don't trust the doctors, bro, trust the homeless guy who smells like rat piss and *swears on his life* that he's right and all the doctors are wrong

yeah. thats how it comes off

uhhh

i guess its been good life experience tho. this entire ordeal has made me much more aware of how retarded i am, it's nerve wrecking how acutely aware i am of my retardation now.


fucking hell.

this is aids


hopefully, not for too much longer


i think it was lung fungus



but i have no fucking idea

I think you gotta save up money and see a specialist in the private sector

[prince of shitskins]

I think you gotta save up money and see a specialist in the private sector

i have the ct scan in 2 days and bronchoscopy in the next few weeks which is the only one that matters

honestly

all of this feels extremely retarded. like. i shouldn't even be dealing with this. but here we are

[n9wiff]

i have the ct scan in 2 days and bronchoscopy in the next few weeks which is the only one that matters

honestly

all of this feels extremely retarded. like. i shouldn't even be dealing with this. but here we are

Goodluck dude 

bronchoscopy

Sounds uncomfortable.

[prince of shitskins]

Goodluck dude 




Sounds uncomfortable.

had one in 2020 wasn't that bad

i would do anything to go back to how bad this was in 2020 compared to how bad it is now

[n9wiff]