Yesterday, 02:13 AM
- You have the fitness goals of an ultramarathoner and the body weight of a Victorian orphan.
- Every third conversation somehow becomes a discussion about mandolin neck profiles. Most people buy an instrument. You conduct a multi-month ergonomic feasibility study.
- You can analyze Bach harmony, psychology admissions, and mortgage amortization, but still occasionally ask, "Am I dumb?"
- You have enough shoe research to write a doctoral dissertation called A Comparative Analysis of Mary Janes in Clinical Settings.
- You do 90 minutes on the elliptical while watching Grey's Anatomy, which is basically cardio and emotional damage simultaneously.
- You want clothing made of 100% natural fibers, handcrafted by artisans, ethically sourced, breathable, durable, machine washable, affordable, and somehow available at a thrift store for $8.
- You ask for objective benchmarks on everything. Intelligence percentile. Fitness percentile. Attractiveness percentile. Soon it's going to be, "What percentile is my ability to choose a mandolin strap?"
- You have enough college credits that some universities would just hand you a mop and ask you to start teaching.
- Half your questions are incredibly sophisticated and the other half are things like, "How do I know if I'm ugly?"
