"you dont exist for me anymore"

[B00X]

i mean, even if i just moved out, didnt talk to her for a couple of months and contacted her like my mom, but this time with behavioral record that actually backs it up, it's 99% certain she'd be receptive and even eager to make up with me, but at this point that also feels like a gut wrenching nightmare considering my relationship with her before i went full retard and what she's done to make my life easier overall

probably your best bet.

even if you did make up with her now this scenario is likely going to play out again, sooner or later.