"you dont exist for me anymore"

[Altruist]

now, how to fix this? 

goals: 
1. to 999. - fixing or just partially recovering my relationship with her, to the point where she still thinks i m a retard, but at least talks to me
1000. getting her to let me stay here. for emotional and my personality-driven reasons, not because i ll end up like a hobo otherwise, obviously

methods:
1. non-negotiable: goggins-maxxing, and by that i mean completely; not just fucking stopping drinking, but stopping being a bitch and a leech (you gotta have a special retard in you to be a leech with my looks, status and finances, lmfao); this is something i have to do regardless of this, it's just that this fucking disaster made it 100 x more obvious; moronic alcoholism is just the most plastic manifestation of my rotten incel manchild brain
2. ???

i'll definitely go talk to my aunt and my brother and his wife (an actually smart social scientist and, more importantly, human being, meaning she won't just slap me with normshit, bluerose style 85 iq gaslighting and shaming). 

my aunt is like my mom 2; they are together on a short trip now, so she'll find out about this too, on top of being aware of the problem for months. she is super intelligent, wise and authoritative, and her stance on me is the same as my mom's (which i completely agree is the right one, because there is nothing i could say in my defense; if this was a court case and i represented the guy who is me, i'd just tell him to accept whatever punishment he gets). i thought of visiting her later today when they come back, but that would be too cheap of a move and just make them think, also rightfully so, "this bitch is gonna go back to his old ways the second we forgive him"

i'll probably visit my brother and his wife in 2-3 days, and my aunt a couple of days later. from now on, i'm gonna behave like a fucking blend of goggins, tate, gandhi, sherlock and the opposite of will hunting, of course. that's the smartest thing to do anyway, but this shit ups it to a new level.