"you dont exist for me anymore"

[Altruist]

talk to her about being on medication

this is gonna be super-illustrative of how much of a retard i've been: she knows perfectly well what medication i'm on and, whenever i pick up the new monthly stash, i give it to her so she can give me the prescribed dose daily and control me (i'm in my 30s, btw). why? because, considering our relationship and communication are perfectly fine and healthy otherwise, she suggested it and i agreed, after a couple of times where i almost overdosed. not with shit sleeping pills and benzos, but with some meds my doc and psych wanted to try to minimize qol-reducing effect of my schizoid pd. those don't even give you any pleasurable sensations like hypnotics, benzos, alcohol, legit drugs, and i still took like 20 x the daily dose a couple of times. the last time i did it, it completely wrecked my motor system. my limbs were shaking and moving uncontrollably and i couldn't walk down the stairs without someone holding me (not an exaggeration, exactly this happened; i posted about it here, i think). i broke 10+ glasses and plates after those episodes.

putting effort into quitting

i mean, even i have that much self-esteem to not be able to tell her that with a straight face considering how i actually behave. also check my reply to dolly for more context, if you even want to pretend you give a shit.

completely legit post overall, of course, as usual.