"you dont exist for me anymore"

[You're dead]

i guess i'm past the point of acting according to it

what hurts me the most is seeing how heartbroken she is. if she just wanted to get rid of me, the giga iq manchild, she'd have told me to fuck off by tomorrow morning and threaten to call the police if i refuse and get over with it. yet, even now, after the 20th "last warning"  (see my long post to dolly in my other thread for more context, then re-read your post i'm quoting here and you'll realize how far gone i am), she gave me 2 weeks.

i mean she's been hospitalized because of the stress and life threatening blood pressure levels caused by me multiple times in the last couple of months. she is also on a lot of new medication for it, and her health was perfect before i started with my moron shit. she was in better shape than me at 62 than i've ever been. had to stop biking and trainings too because her doc said it's too risky.

sad

yeah i cant relate at all because my parents never gave a shit so i never cared about being a disappointment

you should move out tbh and just lie to her that you're going to start going to aa meetings and try a new medication that curbs the urge to drink. obviously you're not going to do any of that, but at least this way you wont feel guilty