46 hours sober

[alice in hell]

no. i didnt even ask for them. it's too early anyway and our schedules are such that she is always home when i leave and come home. also, i was too embarrassed/lazy to post it, but i came back wasted on thursday, she realized it, told me i can sleep through the night and to leave the place after that, and that i broke her heart by behaving like that while she is serving me like i m at a hotel. i fell asleep, woke up when alcohol stopped working and spent the entire night crying. "you broke my heart, my son", "this is the best life i can provide for you" and "this is a home, not a hotel" completely broke me. when i woke up in the morning, i went to her room, hugged her, started crying and said all this to her, begging her for another chance and telling her i cant go to work like that. she told me, with teary eyes, that i can come home. later on she told me she hopes i understand this really is the last time, and that the next time she even suspects i sniffed alcohol she ll throw my stuff out and call the police if i complain (for context, last week, when i also got visibly drunk, she criticized me, and because i was agitated from alcohol, i started yelling at her, telling her to stop yapping and slammed the door; she has a history with a violent alcoholic father and her husband, my dad, and she said she isnt going through that again and that problems with them started developing the exact same way she is now seeing unfolding with me). yesterday when i came back home, we talked relatively normally and i fixed half the stuff in the apartment that needed fixing for months, and cleaned it and did my chores in general (this is also an issue because when i drink, i just let go of everything and she basically has to be my servant; needless to emphasize, she is buying the groceries, cleaning, cooking, buying the stuff she sees i need in my room, even does physical labor around the apartment or in the basement, taking care of the bills etc). today i continued cleaning and generally started getting stuff done (work + dissertation + chores + not fucking drinking + even some exercising included), so the situation is normalized. still, this afternoon she repeated her warning and told me not to think i just got away with it and can go on with my old behavior in like a day. being in horrible relations with the closest members of your family, who did nothing bad to you and sacrificed a lot to give you enough opportunities feels fucking awful.

aw i hope it works out for you guys and you keep going with the improvements

its a hard thing for both sides

i believe in uuuuu