Why aren’t you listening to shapeshifting subliminals?

[Pi33baby]

Day one: listened for three hours before sleep. I had a dream where I was a red and purple dragon and I killed a motherfucker trying to steal my treasure hoard
Day two: when I woke up and looked in the mirror my eyes were glowing red for a second.
Day three: listened for four hours while I worked on my car. Later that day I felt very aggressive and when I was yelling at my mom for making my grilled cheese with cheddar instead of American, a little fire ball shot out from my mouth. 
Day four: I didn’t listen today but I noticed the skin on my hands and legs have turned slightly green and scaly. My mom told me to go the hospital because my skin fungus was back but I told her to fuck off because I was finally becoming my true self. 

So.. why haven’t you taken the dragonpill yet? Soon I won’t be able to post here anymore because my claws will crush my phone when I try to use it. I’m already hoarding valuables like my moms wedding ring (I told her I flushed it down the toilet) and jewelry I stole from Claire’s. You little shits will still be posting here while I guard my treasures from trespassing adventurers.