wow. my all-encompassing meltdown is just getting worse

[Altruist]

that might be a good idea

but you might be subconsciously rejecting that because in theory quiting alcohol is extremely simple

yeah

i think i fucked myself over with that period of insane rotting near the end of my studies (right around the time when i absolutely randomly stumbled upon lookism via the my law school uni forum - random 9gag thread - random reddit link in 9gag comments - random weirdo crying about his skull in some forever alone tier subreddit and linking lookism route). alcohol wasn't in play then, because i i could stuff myself with enough junk dopamine through the internet, television and ambien and klonopin/xanax. 

after a couple of years, i realised i get angsty if i'm not consuming (whatever) 24/7. 

then, when my tolerance to pills built up and the internet (forums) become less novel, i reached for alcohol. it's still insane to me that it's so cheap and easily accessible; it should be treated just as cocaine and heroin, if not harsher