wow. my all-encompassing meltdown is just getting worse

[Altruist]

My advice: fill your time with something that doesn't allow you to drink at the same time.

don't see how to do this in practice.

i thought about "opening up" to people around me and let the "secret" (the fact that i picked up on alcohol is probably way more obvious to those around me than i think) out, but i'm afraid i'd regret it soon after. ironically exactly that is probably the fear that drives most alcoholics/addicts over the point of no return

by opening up, i don't mean having a faggy emotional breakdown, but just openly stating i've been drinking to the extent that i have. including my doc and the psychiatrist, so that they can put it in my file and press me