Where to start with philosophy?

[Busty Doll]

In order:

Pre-Socratics - Find an anthology.
Plato and Aristotle - Find an anthology.
Locke - An Essay on Human Understanding
Descartes - Meditations
Kant - Selections from Critique of Pure Reason and Critique of Judgment.
Husserl - Selections from Ideas
Freud - Introductory Lectures

Don't try to understand them just read the words and if you get stuck keep going.

Pre-Socratics: Discuss the nature of reality.
Plato and Aristotle: Discuss humans thinking about the nature of reality.
Locke: You are sensation.
Descartes: You are not sensation.
Kant: You are sensation and are not sensation.
Husserl: What did Kant assume
Freud: What did Kant assume

But can they kick my ass?