my drinking is self-harm at this point

[MysteriousWeeb420]

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/addiction-in-society/201102/are-more-intelligent-people-more-likely-be-alcoholics

High IQ = obedient test taker (not intelligence) 

When obedient test takers grow up they become abused dogs in high stress jobs and need to cope with the bottle