decided to change before it's too late

[prince of shitskins]

in what sense? do you feel bad for caving in to your addict... needs or are you afraid you ll lose all inhibition and harm yourself/rope this time?

i find neither of those to be relatable; i could be robbed, crippled and raped in the morning and my reflection on that, after having picked up benzos or bought white wine in the evening, would be along the lines of:

"just lol at me even entertaining the possibility that what happened earlier today was a real problem. i need to chill"

that ritual is like real life "play again" feature for me

Its more like I need to be in a state of pure inebriation to have the balls to follow through with it, but ofc what ends up happening is i just think "yeah I can live like this, who cares if I'm coughing blood every day" which seems way less sustainable when you're sober

Will probably do it early next week or tomorrow, im not that desperate to cling onto a miserable existence