let me tell you about a BIG blunder i made today at work

[steely eyed stenographer]

i probably shouldnt be letting you guys know this (could be in the local- scratch that- nationwide news), but im halfway through a frooty jabuka nektar 2 liter... you get the idea *hic* 

so, here begins a woeful tale, lol. 

the day was already high cortisol because some 'big shot' lawyers from the city were coming and my assistan- flip it, why not be honest, im nearly done this frooty - my manager, Dragica, tells me I cant play with my damon toy. might as well take a pic for reference


(yes, i got it commissioned especially for my birthday. the damon action man isnt available in stores here and mom generally doesnt let me use her credit card. )

now, if u know anything about court stenography, you know that in between all the jibber jabber, well, there aint much to do. so i usually get to play with my damon toy (theres something exhilarating about getting to play with damon IN the courtroom). but when theres lots of cameras and hotshots strutting around, Dragica isnt very happy about it. 

youre probably thinking, ok? you cant stop playing for 5 minutes? well, ill cut to the chase. without the stimulation of the toy, i got restless. my mind started wandering, and before i knew it i was imagining absolutely BODYING various members of the forum. i got... really... into it. and heres the kicker. 

when i snapped back to reality, THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THE COURT PROCESS WAS TAKING PLACE...
the bit where im supposed to be recording EVERYTHING... and what do I see when i look down at my page?...

paragraphs upon paragraphs of ROASTS... at this point i think im in some sort of nightmare... i scramble through all the pages and its a systematic BODYING of every. single. bookism. member. 

FML! 

[HungarianJew]

probably the best thread in bookism history

[Mr Looks]

[bluerose]

lol at the phenomenon of internet man babies declaring my pet some psl chris-chan as their main go to for collectively bullying him, only revealing how they are ALL essentially chris-chans themselves in the process.

[HungarianJew]

lol at the phenomenon of internet man babies declaring my pet some psl chris-chan as their main go to for collectively bullying him, only revealing how they are ALL essentially chris-chans themselves in the process.

is that your only takeaway from this golden thread?

have some sentience and remove his penile tissue from your mouth for gods sake.

[bluerose]

lol at the phenomenon of internet man babies declaring my pet some psl chris-chan as their main go to for collectively bullying him, only revealing how they are ALL essentially chris-chans themselves in the process.

is that your only takeaway from this golden thread?

have some sentience and remove his penile tissue from your mouth for gods sake.

I only liked this part:

(theres something exhilarating about getting to play with damon IN the courtroom).

[steely eyed stenographer]

lol at the phenomenon of internet man babies declaring my pet some psl chris-chan as their main go to for collectively bullying him, only revealing how they are ALL essentially chris-chans themselves in the process.

im not sure what religion has to do with this?

[bluerose]

lol at the phenomenon of internet man babies declaring my pet some psl chris-chan as their main go to for collectively bullying him, only revealing how they are ALL essentially chris-chans themselves in the process.

im not sure what religion has to do with this?

chris-chan (phonetically: christian) 

[Altruist]

[HungarianJew]

is my pet a Damon or Wahlberg guy

[DyingHope]

Sorry that happened. How did you body me tough guy?

[prince of shitskins]

good one, munificent

[Munificent]

good one, munificent

[HungarianJew]

gonna bump this classic