I just created a Masterplan for my Life:

[MVP]

masterplan

so as u know im in a ward. i have to workcel 3 hours a day 4 days a week , so 12 hours a week. i feel too bad to consistently go work there, i cannot go work there if it would make me feel terrible, which it often does, even if i dont do much during work at all. i am simply too physically and mentally ill.
i dont have much money in my ward anyway, so getting out there would potentially be good to have more money however, i think i will get sent to another "ward" where u dont have to do anything, this is the most likely option, it might take some time though until they kick me out from the ward im at now. a better option would be for a doctor to write me unable to workcel forever. i have diagnosed schizophrenia and depression. see i quickly narrrow down the options, as it gets more and more complex. i might get to live alone but then again that would be only temporary, since they would force me to work and i refuse, they kick me out. i could run this cycle by getting to other homes and wards etc.

so now the real deal comes

i might play on time, delay, procrastinate, promise, then break the promise, cycle around different homes and wards.

my options are crime, sui and when nothing feels possible: ultima ratio crime
btw money is now option see faved key thread:

https://bookism.net/showthread.php?tid=44208

im not asking you for tips since u guys are much dumber than me anyway.

[MVP]

my life is at knifes edge like the Nesmuk sign



always under pressure



but thats when i thrive, like a jew during the holocaust-times



Saying "my life is at a knife's edge" means you're in a precarious, risky, or highly uncertain situation where things could go very wrong or right with any small action, often involving intense pressure, difficult choices (like brain surgery or raising an autistic child), or feeling extremely vulnerable and balanced between extremes, as seen in memoirs by surgeons and authors facing immense challenges. It's about living with high stakes and unpredictable outcomes, feeling the constant tension of potential disaster or triumph.

What it means:
Extreme Uncertainty: A situation where the next moment is unpredictable, and a small factor can drastically change the outcome (like a close election or a medical crisis).
High Stakes & Pressure: Facing decisions with huge consequences, where a wrong move could be catastrophic (e.g., a surgeon's complex operation).
Vulnerability: Feeling exposed and fragile, where your stability depends on a very fine balance, a common feeling in trauma or extreme life events.
Constant Choice: Being forced to make difficult, often morally complex, choices with no easy answers, laying bare your humanity.

Examples from life and literature:
A surgeon's life: A brain surgeon's daily reality, where life and death hang in the balance.
A family's battle with autism: A father's fight against institutions for his son's care, a personal struggle on a knife's edge.
Living on the edge of poverty: A metaphor for severe financial instability where one misstep leads to ruin.

What to do when you feel this way:
Practice Mindfulness: Focus on the present moment through breathing and grounding to self-regulate intense emotions.
Build Self-Awareness: Recognize your physical and emotional stress signals to identify triggers early.
Seek Support: Talk to counselors or therapists who understand trauma and high-stress environments.

[MVP]

[MVP]

with chirurgical-surgeonlike precision like Iniestas passes, and the far-sightedness of a white eagle, i navigate the most complex environments with enormously high stakes and pressure.

[MVP]

writing all of this down helps me gain clarity and overview over the options

[MVP]

i mean the most promising option at this moment is to just make money, get outta ward and adios amigos

like if only i had like a million dollars, i would be pretty much set for life and no more worrying

why can no one gift me a million? life is so unfair, having to go through all the hoops just because no money

[Busty Doll]

What do you do at this job

I'm also applying for a new job now, in Diplomacy no less

[MVP]

What do you do at this job

I'm also applying for a new job now, in Diplomacy no less

its like now i feel better and can go to the job

so i will go there a bit haha

but when i feel bad i cannot

the job is basically ergotherapy

[Incel]

with chirurgical-surgeonlike precision like Iniestas passes, and the far-sightedness of a white eagle, i navigate the most complex environments with enormously high stakes and pressure.

brilliant

[RuudVanNistelrooy]

@MVP she is near you