[Black Pill]
Suicide legitimacy request (suicide note for non-family) - Printable Version+- Lookism (https://bookism.net)
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[Black Pill]
Suicide legitimacy request (suicide note for non-family) (/showthread.php?tid=9460)Suicide legitimacy request (suicide note for non-family) - psychoman - 18-10-2022
I hereby declare that i've decided to commit suicide due to not having any form of romance in my youths. I do not blame anyone but myself because i had at least three opportunities to experience legit romance which i will explain shortly for the sake of suicide legitimacy committee that will take place somewhere in near future.
first at age 7, i had crush on a girl named M, she loved me back and it could be all i ever wanted but for some cosmic reasons i've decided to break up 3 days after our first romantic encounter, leaving her devastated and heart broken. she cried a lot and i did not care back then.
second at age 11-12, i met a pretty girl named F in our neighborhood and i kept interacting with her for several days and i liked her a lot. i didn't love her tho, lets be fair, ok? but the first one, i truly loved. i told her that i like her, she accepted me and a lot of romance could happen if only i woudn't do the exact same thing all over again.
i break up with her 3 days after her acceptance over the most stupid thing ever, she fell off from bike and i was embarrassed. i told her "this whole thing was a joke, i don't like you at all and just wanted to play with you". she show no signs of sadness in front of me and just left in rush and never came back to our neighborhood.
i'm guessing she was heartbroken too and cried a lot, since the next time i saw her 5 years later, she told people that i'm harassing her while i just wanted to tell her how sorry i am.
there are some cases where the girl liked me and signaled, but i never signaled back or made the move because i didn't like them, and i count all of them as a plus one to the 2 big failures.
after these 2, no girl ever ever accepted me or liked me back. i was rejected by a lot of girls, even boys at some point when i was desperate. i gave up my virginity to some random fat slut in a dirty closet room at age 21.
in reality, my life ended when i broke the M's heart. i'm just a ghost, an NCP you might say.
i do not claim to be incel or have any correlation with that community except hanging out around them because i feel bad for them, they didn't even had the opportunities.
I do not hate woman or anything, but god damn they are awful after age of 18. i mean, i was a kid back then it's understandable if i've done wrong but woman in adulthood they are much brutal than i was.
but i accept it as a poetic justice toward myself.
i've done sexual abuses and mental manipulation to some kids and some special people, in order to feel the innocent love experience i had with M but it never satisfies me enough. i don't have passion to live, i don't work, i didn't even finished university paperwork to get my degree. i can't live, i'm an embarrassment to my parents and my siblings.
i just can't live a life knowing i never had romance and never will, I'm still a kiss virgin at age 28. a big part of the issue is due to me having sexual experiences at childhood, it messed up my hormones and i ended up with a shitty voice and low testosterone level, undeveloped or overdeveloped, i'm not sure.
our existence is already pointless, now imagine you can't even have your basic genetic needs of love and sex. living is overrated anyway.
there is one person remaining in the world who could bring me back to life, it's the F's friend named B. apparently she had huge crush on me all along, i also had crush on her ever since i was 6 but back then we were too close to each other that we had a sister/brother relationship.
she is 29 now, her brother is getting married and i'm invited, it's tomorrow in the time i'm writing this.
in the past 5 years, i've lived hoping she still have feelings for me because i certainly do have feelings for her. me breaking up with F was secretly due to the fact that i wanted B instead of F.
but my hopes are going to vanish tomorrow when i ask her out and she rejects, this will be the last rejection and the rejection of me from world.
Now i can explain why did i break up with M, but the reason is so weird and unreasonable that would not sound sane to normal audience because i was 7yo boy with a cheating mother and a beating father.
in a sense, i'm about to meet the angle of death and she is named B, Bahare. she is gonna kill me with that "No, sorry" when i ask her out. it's not about dating you see, it's about me facing the reality, so do not blame her, she probably doesn't even remember me. also i'm hoping on your confidentiality that she will not know anything about this note.
if more reasons are needed for suicide legitimacy, you shall contact H.M.N my close friend who lives in UK. he knows the unknowns of me, because i slipped some to him on LSD unfortunately. but to be honest, i think my current reasons are already justifiable enough and i hope you can declare my suicide legitimate.
RE: Suicide legitimacy request (suicide note for non-family) - psychoman - 18-10-2022
@kathisterima i'm banned on all social media and there isn't really a place to post these type of things. i'm counting on you not deleting your website or anything in future, at least 5 years. so that there will be a clue or anything for those who want to know why i've committed suicide in the internet.
probably some online friends who just got curious or sth, this would be a document for their closure. i'm pretty sure no one gives a shit but just in case, make sure this text exist as long as lookism exist.
RE: Suicide legitimacy request (suicide note for non-family) - AntonioJuraz - 18-10-2022
you're too dramatic for the girls
RE: Suicide legitimacy request (suicide note for non-family) - psychoman - 18-10-2022
(18-10-2022, 05:02 AM)AntonioJuraz Wrote: you're too dramatic for the girlsmaybe i'm overdramatizing their experience, but it's not them who i care about, it's me. i had 2 solid opportunity to experience love and i rejected both.
there are people who have 0 opportunity, some 15 some 100, depends on looks and wealth entirely.
mine was 2, it's ok. most 0 ones already suicided, it's us 1-3 ones who suffer. we almost had it, it feels so fucking bad you dont get it.